HOLIDAY CAKE - NO OFFENSE!

[Susan]

Hello everyone

I know this is out of context, but I thought it might put a smile on a few faces here with a sense of humor...It's an email I just received from a friend, be sure to read the ingredients:

HOLIDAY CAKE DIRECTIONS
>
> Ingredients:
> 1 cup of water
> 1 teaspoon baking soda
> 1 cup of sugar
> 1 teaspoon salt
> 1 cup of brown sugar
> Lemon juice
> 4 large eggs
> Nuts
> 1 bottle vodka
> 2 cups of dried fruit
>
> Sample the vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
>
> Repeat.
>
> Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
>
> Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK.
>
> Try another cup....just in case. Turn off the mixerer.
>
> Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

> Pick fruit off floor.
>
> Mix on the turner.
>
> If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.
>
> Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
>
> Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a sh...it.
>
> Check the vodka.
>
> Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
>
> Add one table.
>
> Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
>
> Greash the oven and pee in the fridge.
>
> Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
>
> Don't forget to beat off the turner.
>
> Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.
>
> Fall into bed. :-)