Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words...

Can have a devastating effect on a young mind.

"Johnny, you're not worth 2 cents!", he yelled disgustedly, as he turned the car around to go back to the river bank where we had been fishing.

I had forgotten to pick up the tackle box and put it in the car. Fortunately, it was still there. Everything would be OK now...but I would never forget those words.

I loved my Dad and wanted him to be pleased with me. I wanted him to be proud of me. I had disappointed him. He had said that I wasn't worth two cents.

As I sat in the back seat crying to myself, he asked what was wrong? When I told him, he told me that he didn't really mean what he said. That it was just a figure of speech.

But I had heard my Dad tell me that I wasn't worth two cents. It was too late. The words were indelibly written in my memory.

Let me say here that my Dad was not a mean man. I know he loved me very much. I was about 7 or 8 at the time. He had two other kids to care for by now. I was the first born, so I guess while he learned parenting, I was trying to learn to be a son.

I believe I spent the rest of my early life trying to "prove" that I was worth MORE than two cents. I made sure I was on the honor roll at school. Everything I did, I did well...or not at all. There are a lot of things I have never attempted...because I thought I might fail, and I couldn't risk that!

I never mentioned this to my Dad after that day that I know of. He was a very quiet reserved man, and I would not have wanted to hurt him.

He was reserved about showing his emotions, too. But, a few years before he died, I do remember an occassion where, as grown men, we embraced each other and I told him that I loved him. He responded, "I love you, too, Johnny". Those are words I will never forget.

Be blessed,
JDB


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